In Which the Pink Elephant Hides Under a Lampshade
by Terrence Rogue
Summary: The order is feeling lost after an unexpected series of events. Just why would a group of Death Eaters run away from Hermione Granger? Her friends seem to think this obvious. Humorous chaos ensues in a post battle order meeting. HP HG FW GW NL LL GW RW


**AN/** This is just a humorous oneshot I came up with when the actual story I was working on started to stall. I may expand this universe if it's liked; it is a nice change from the more serious one I am working on now. Constructive Criticism is welcome.

**AN/** Harry Potter is the Intellectual / Legal Property of JK Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury Publishing and Warner Brothers Inc. I am, unfortunately, none of the above.

**AN/** This is not an update. I'm simply correcting a few small typos. There is a companion story to this that I am posting later today. I will probably end up doing a series of oneshots before and after this story for this universe. Don't expect them to be fast, I work two jobs and go to University. That and I truthfully prefer to read rather than write.

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><p><strong>Minor Disagreements and Unexpected Developments<strong>

"I'm not really sure comparing me to Bellatrix is fair, I mean my hair isn't that crazy is it?" asked Hermione, trying to pull her hair back into something manageable.

"I don't think it was the hair they were making the comparison about. More the fact that a half dozen death eaters took one look at you and immediately ran the other direction." Harry said sagely next to her while trying to push pieces of flyaway curls out of his face.

"Would you have preferred they continue throwing unforgivables at innocent bystanders? I'm not really sure what the problem is here." Fred said, looking back toward the rest of the Order.

"They **ran away** from her. Hardened killers saw her appear and **ran away**." Someone shouted from the far side of the table. The older members of the order had all clustered on the one side of the kitchen, leaving the younger group with the other half of the table. Sirius, Tonks, Lupin and Bill stood off to one side watching the proceedings like a tennis match.

Ron, Luna, Neville, and Ginny were all standing against the wall behind Harry, Hermione and the Twins. No one watching could possibly have missed the extreme dichotomy in atmosphere from the two different sides of the room. On one side, uncertainty, a bit of awe and a touch of fear; and on the other, humorous disbelief at the perceived over reaction of the aforementioned first half.

"Is the pointing and yelling really necessary? I think we have satisfactorily established the timeline of what happened. That still does not justify the insulting comparisons," Hermione calmly stated, having managed to tie her hair back and now in the process of trying to pick the dried blood stains out of her jeans.

"They **ran away**!" Dedalus Diggle yelled once again stabbing his finger in her direction.

"Okay, you talk with your mouth not with your finger. If you don't quit waving that thing around I'm going to stick it to the table," Ginny spoke up, obviously running out of patience with the overly excitable man.

"I think," Professor McGonagall interrupted the impending argument, "that what we need to understand is why they decided to turn and face a stronger opposing force rather than continue on towards Ms. Granger." She looked towards the students she had taught for years. The students that, up until an hour ago, she would have sworn were incapable of the damage she had witnessed earlier today. "This obviously wasn't unprecedented. The plan you went in with was dependent on the Death Eaters responding in this fashion. You set up a trap knowing they would choose not to engage Ms. Granger, or in this instance Ms. Lovegood polyjuiced to look like Ms. Granger. What that leaves us with is why?"

"They always run from Hermione, at least everyone but the crazies like Bellatrix and Greyback, they run towards her. We just take it as a given when planning," Ron said distractedly while staring at the roast sitting on top of the stove, "do you think we can eat while we have this discussion?"

This caused everyone in the room to stop and stare at the oblivious red head.

"Right..," George drawled, looking away from his youngest brother, "We were fairly certain that we could turn them back towards the entrance since the anti-apparition wards wouldn't let them simply pop out."

"It gave us an easily controlled area to corner them," said Fred.

"While minimizing the risk to the rest of the people in the Alley," finished George.

"The perfect plan!" They completed together.

"Your plan is not the problem here," Molly snapped from where she was standing guard over the stove. "Or, at least not the only problem. Although this tendency to completely ignore the Order and go about things on your own will need to be addressed." She looked up from what she was stirring to glare at the group across the table.

"Molly's right, what we need to know right now is why a group of the most dangerous men in the country just ran away from a seventeen year old girl." Moody growled, looking ready to do harm to the next person who veered off topic.

"Do you find your breasts get in the way while fighting," Luna asked looking over at Hermione, "I don't generally notice mine but I kept feeling the need to adjust my balance to compensate for yours."

Thump.

Everyone turned to see Kingsley had reached across to take Mad Eye's wand while Lupin forced him back down in the chair.

Hermione opened her mouth, stopped, closed it, and shook her head before replying, "I have never found them to be a tactical disadvantage, it was probably just the unusualness of being in someone else's body. I imagine if you were polyjuiced as Harry his body would feel off to you as well."

"Hey, is it really necessary to bring me into this!"

The girls ignored him as Luna proceeded to visually measure up Hermione and Harry, obviously doing some mental comparisons and calculations. At the end she simply nodded and went back to starring off into space. The guys were busy doing a comparison of Hermione and Luna wondering just how much compensation was required.

The clearing of a throat brought everyone's attention back to the meeting at hand and their rather uncomfortable looking professor. "Back to the relevant topic of discussion, why do they appear to be afraid of Ms. Granger?" McGonagall asked in her no nonsense voice.

"Well because they are afraid of her," says Ron, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I think watching her tear a couple of their safe houses to pieces looking for Harry after the kidnapping incident might have made them a bit overly cautious. She only actually took out a couple dozen death eaters, and the only inner circle member was Yaxley. I mean, she might have slapped Bellatrix around a little but still. It wasn't that bad in the grand scheme of things."

Silence. Absolute silence, the kind where even a small breath can be heard; and then, chaos. The yelling started with Moody and seemed to spread outward. Suddenly half the room had descended into pandemonium.

"What did I say," Ron asked when the entire DA group turned to look at him. "I thought they already knew about the kidnapping attempt?"

"Yes, little brother, they knew there was a kidnapping attempt…" Fred started.

"…and that we had taken care of it."

"We might have minimized the scale of the incident just a little though…"

"…to avoid something like this." George finished looking around at the once peaceful kitchen.

"Do you think we should mention the part about Malfoy Manner?" Ginny asked as the group slowly backed towards the door of the kitchen.

"You think telling them that we forgot to mention the fact the Harry and Hermione lost control, went all super nova and brought the house down on The-Evil-Bastard-Who-Just-Wont-Stay-Dead's head is a good idea? Right now? Really?" George asked looking incredulous.

"Yeah, maybe later. Or, you know, never…" She trailed off as they carefully maneuvered into the hall.

"Should we tell Sirius and the others we're making a run for it?" Harry asks, looking slightly guilty at the quivering kitchen door.

"Do you want to go back in there," Neville asks, "because I'm sure not."

"He's a smart guy, he'll figure it out," Harry says with authority, suddenly looking much more sure.

"So, who wants take out?"

Everyone turns to stare at Neville.

"What, I'm assuming we weren't planning on waiting here for them to come looking for us. Besides, if we don't feed Ron soon who knows what secrets he will start spilling in is hunger inspired stupor."

"Right. I'm thinking Thai, Harry?" Hermione asks as they walked out the front door.

"I vote pizza."

"Fish and Chips."

"I want Italian."

"How about Curry."

"Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"1, 2, 3, Go!"

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><p>Fin.<p> 


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